There are a lot of toxic relationships occurring out there, with one or both partners trying to convince themselves that the toxic cycles that they are participating in are how relationships work. Sadly, many individuals have never experienced or even witnessed a healthy relationship, and many ineffective habits have been normalized for so long that it can be hard to realize how harmful they are. Most humans try to do their best based on what they were given (or shown by examples set as they were growing up), but unfortunately, what they were given was unhelpful and often toxic.

The common occurrence of toxic qualities is most likely why there is always a lot of talk about red flags in relationships or people. Paying attention to those toxic warning signs can help you steer clear of unhealthy partners and the potential for toxic relationships.

However, what is talked about less is "Green flags" to look for in potential partners or even strive to achieve in your current relationship. Green flag qualities are those that are healthy and effective. Being a green flag partner is NOT about being perfect but DOING the work each day to break toxic relationship cycles and show up as your best self as often as possible. Spoiler alert: No one is perfect.

Check out how you measure up below.

❇️ 1. You make an effort (more days than not) to let your partner know you care about them. (You like to make them feel good).

❇️ 2. You try to understand your partner's point of view (their emotions, opinions, wants, and needs).

❇️ 3. You validate their emotions. (They feel safe to express them to you.)

❇️4. You can tolerate feedback without getting defensive, making excuses, or blaming others. (You don't gaslight them to avoid accountability.)

❇️ 5. You can be accountable, apologize when needed, and change your actions accordingly (not just offer empty apologies).

❇️ 6. You are doing your fair share of mental, emotional, physical, and financial labor supporting the relationship. (You do your part without needing to be asked first or given a list.)

❇️7. You put effort into quality time. (This includes planning date nights & finding time/space for connection and fun.)

❇️8. You know your partner's needs and wants matter as much as yours, and work to meet their needs regularly. (As much as you work on meeting your own needs.)

❇️9. You make sure your partner knows you love them by words and actions. (You say it and SHOW it.)

❇️ 10. You are brave enough to be emotionally open and share all your bits with them. (Emotionally intimate).

It's okay if you didn't hit all the marks. Now you know what you need to work on!

Remember, healthy relationships require effort and practice when learning new skills. Be patient with yourself as you work at replacing old, unhelpful habits. Just like learning any high-level skill or hobby, it takes time and effort before it becomes second nature. Stay consistent, and it will get easier.